you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
