Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
