I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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