Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize