Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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