I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
