So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
