I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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