All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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