Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
