You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize