I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
