Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
