His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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