You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
