I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
