I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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