At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
