I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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