btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
