I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
