whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
