How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
