It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
