we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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