What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
