I just saw a hot homeless man
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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