eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
