some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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