this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize