No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
