thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
