3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a search helicopter?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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