All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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