something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
