Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
