His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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