Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
