Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
