I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize