apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone