I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?