just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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