Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
