no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
