brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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