What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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