i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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