For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
