so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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