it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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