I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
