smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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