Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
