He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
