out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
