I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
