Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
