perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
