Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize