Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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