Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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