I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize