So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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