Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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