I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
