Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There are leaves in my underwear?
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