That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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