i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Couch. On fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
