You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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