I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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