I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
