I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
