I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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