you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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