Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
