tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
