I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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